i feel so screwed. been running on over-drive these days. with retreat, with work, with everything. i feel darn tired. and yet, i cannot afford to take leave. could i? should i? i hope my mosquito bites get infected. maybe..i have an authentic reason to take leave? been feeling this way for the past few weeks. been missing hk life. why? hmm..why did i want life to normalise then? is it true then? that when you start work, life becomes mundane? there is no longer such fun. went to hv with the regulars - xl, wj, ly n shups - had dinner, then ice-cream with aoyy. it was fun by normal standards. i havent been on such outings in a while. but, i felt this little wee bit of nostalgia. coz we were having mexican? coz i scanned the place and saw words like..margaritas, agave, worm, mexican?

realise i have been having such mood swings a lil too regularly. am i really screwed then? i might just be. with the kind of things im signing up for. maybe i shld stop. maybe i shld just toss my fone away. maybe i shld.

blog

cousin asked abt my blog. hence i blog.

life...has been both kind and unkind.

i've been in a darning mood since i got back frm hk. it's not such a great idea to relive happy moments. it just is never really same. this time it isn't. next time it won't. im sure.

i've had enough. 1 thing that exchange taught me - to be true to myself. guess its the family. i just grew up, trying (very hard at times) to please. exchange taught me to display my emotions. i could get quite bitchy, at least that's what fede claims. i was previously rather affected when this guy showed his hatre towards me. never had i tot some1 could dislike me. i was kinda miserable for a while. but 1 day, my train of tots got derailed and..suddenly, it became alright. alright to be disliked. i mean..who cares man! i don't care anymore. and..i just go all out to just be true to myself. life is short. no point forcing myself to spend moments with people i don't like.

as if. darn!

i thank my friends. for being so patient. for enduring my multiple mood swings.

argh! this is darn irritating!

today marks the end of my study leave. DRATS!

im so dead.

haiz..the worst thing is..my boss told me to work on a paper to be submitted on Friday. I think I would be very excited about it, if not for this cfa thing, but, this time round, I'm dreading it. Well, its going to be my VERY first official paper. and its a CM paper! I certainly hope the tone and what not is right. GOSH! and i hope i incorporate ALL my boss's thoughts in. if not, no1 can save me for my appraisal.

and..haiz..just got a dig by my fren tdy. im quite certain its a criticism. agree tat its prob meant as smth bad. DARN! 気持ちが悪い

coffee

cousin instructed me to blog. kee has been blogging much more often than I do. henceforth, I blog.

hmm.. been having nightmares and dreams-filled nights. Sometimes I think I think too much, at times I think I don't. But work has occupied a huge chunk of my life (i know i have no right to complain, but still..) and cfa is filling up the remainder.

Work has been work. Not feeling happy with some colleagues. Im beginning to feel that life isnt as simple as I think. Just realised people do shirk responsibilities and..yes, I am kinda pissed off by such acts. And yes, the imbalance of portfolio is taking a toil on me. Seeing colleagues take 2 teabkreaks, saunter in at 9, leave at 6, and such n such is..sometimes irritating, esp when I am rushing to send out emails. Argh. And..appraisals. Gotta complete my appraisal, on top of the load of work.

A certain colleague irritates me so too. Its gonna b such a bitch to bitch here and I shall leave things as it is. For now.

Cfa irritates me too.

It must be the coffee that i have been inhaling. Seriously. I smell coffee EVERYWHERE. I am in a love hate relationship with coffee. the smell of coffee perks me up. a good cup of cappucino always start my day off with an extra large smile. yet, it gives me a bad case of stomach flu if i over-consume it. and stretches my mood to this very fine line. i could be a coffee addict. could be. a friend just said that of me, when all i did was point out keppel bay and commented that they have very nice coffee there.

so coffee is the cause of my mood. of my irritatedness. so..i suppose, starbucks ought to say sorry to any1 whom I have offended, or whose mood got super dampened coz of mine. :)

rights. more cfa to read up on. i totally adore cfa. really. RIGHT.

the fireman

I remember 1 scene from tru calling, some firefighting scene. and I was very mesmerised by the firefighters. thinking that their job is very cool. meaningful and cool.

never a moment of boredom. i thought.

I never stop to think. How does it feel that they have saved whoever should be saved and killed whoever should be killed (i.e. the fire)? How does it feel looking at the onlookers, who were previously clapping at their heroic act, leaving? The silence. Is it deafening? How much does it take for the fireman to slowly and steadily roll up the hose when adrenalin from the fire-fighting is still overwhelming him?

Now I know. It is not fun. It actually leaves you wanting more. The adrenalin rush is addictive. To be suddenly forced to pull over is not a good feeling.

Now I know why my dad curses whenever some1 cuts into his lane. He has to brake.

Should I polish the engine tomorrow? Or should I pull the hose out to sun it? Or should I work on the fire report? What shall I do tomorrow?

cute

so cute.

hahaha! really. amazing how many things i can learn abt a person in 5h.

1. his 2yr old cocker spaniel is a butch. HA! so random.
2. he dont swim coz..wearing swimming trunks is sooo gay!?
3. enough. he needs his privacy
   

but wait. HAHAH! sooo very cute! like..a little kid. im beginning to see gabs in every guy. really. OMG! so cute n childish.

image of gab playing hide n seek will b foreva etched in my mind. literally. GOSH! after i evaluated his hiding locations n gave a tip to a better hiding place, he told me: okie! go out n count to 10. guess where he hid.

haa